On Her Blindness by Adam Thorpe

Analysis of the Title

The title "On Her Blindness" alludes to John Milton's sonnet "On His Blindness," where Milton reflects on his loss of sight and how it impacts his ability to serve God. This reference sets up the poem as a personal exploration of the speaker's mother's blindness, contrasting her struggle with the stoic acceptance often expected by society. The title introduces a theme of confronting the reality of disability, which the poem will explore in depth.

Structure and Form

Form, Meter, and Rhyme

Speaker

• The poem is written in free verse, consisting of 23 stanzas, 22 of which are couplets, with the final stanza being a single line. This fragmented structure reflects the speaker's ongoing, scattered reflections on his mother's blindness and death.
• The absence of a regular rhyme scheme or meter gives the poem a conversational and intimate tone, mirroring the speaker's process of grappling with painful memories in a direct and personal way.
• Enjambment is used extensively throughout the poem, contributing to its reflective rhythm and mimicking the speaker's stream of consciousness as he recalls his mother's experiences.
• The speaker is the poet, Adam Thorpe, reflecting on his mother's struggle with blindness and her eventual death. The tone is one of restrained grief and frustration, as the speaker tries to come to terms with his mother's suffering and the societal expectations placed on people with disabilities.

Setting

• The poem is set in contemporary England, primarily in the domestic spaces where the speaker's mother lived and experienced her blindness. Specific settings mentioned include a Paris restaurant and the speaker's mother's hospital room during her final days, with references to the autumnal scenery outside. The setting emphasizes the contrast between the beauty of the outside world and the mother's inability to experience it due to her blindness.

Poetic Devices

Allusion

• The poem's title alludes to John Milton's sonnet "On His Blindness," which adds depth to the poem by drawing a parallel between Milton's acceptance of his blindness as God's will and the mother's struggle with her blindness.
• The allusion to Milton's stoic acceptance is contrasted with the speaker's mother, who does not find solace in her blindness but instead views it as a "living hell."
• This allusion helps frame the poem's exploration of how society expects those with disabilities to bear their suffering with dignity and stoicism, often at great personal cost.

Simile

• Similes are used to illustrate the mother's physical and emotional experience of blindness, often with a touch of dark humour.
• The mother is compared to a "dodgem" (bumper car) as she bumps into walls, highlighting the undignified and frustrating aspects of her blindness: "bumping into walls like a dodgem."
• The final simile, describing her vision as "as blank as stone," conveys the bleak and permanent nature of her blindness, symbolizing the emotional and physical isolation she endures.

Irony

• The poem is rich with irony, particularly in the speaker's reflections on societal attitudes toward disability.
• The speaker notes that society prefers to hear from those who bear their disabilities stoically, which is ironic because his mother could not bear her blindness and yet felt pressured to hide her suffering: "One should hide the fact that catastrophic / handicaps are hell."
• The poem ends with the poignant irony that in death, the mother is no more blind than she was in life, yet the family chooses to believe she might be watching them from an afterlife.

Imagery

• Vivid imagery is used to convey both the external beauty of the world and the internal suffering of the mother.
• The description of the autumn leaves as "ablaze with colour, the ground royal / with leaf-fall" contrasts with the mother's inability to see this beauty, emphasizing the loss she experiences due to her blindness.
• The imagery serves to heighten the emotional impact of the poem, making the mother's loss more tangible and poignant.

Alliteration

• Alliteration is used throughout the poem to create a rhythmic and musical quality, emphasizing key ideas and emotions.
• The opening lines use alliteration to underscore the mother's suffering: "My mother could not bear being blind," with the repeated /b/ sounds conveying the bluntness and harshness of her reality.
• Later, alliteration in phrases like "slow slide" and "stone" evokes the inexorable decline of her vision, adding to the poem's sombre tone.

Key Themes

Disability, Stoicism, and Suffering

• The poem explores the societal pressure on individuals with disabilities to endure their suffering stoically.
• The mother's private admission that her blindness is a "living hell" contrasts sharply with the public façade she is forced to maintain, highlighting the internal conflict between her true feelings and societal expectations.
• The speaker criticizes the expectation that people should bear their struggles "like a Roman," suggesting that this demand for stoicism is both unfair and dehumanizing.
• This theme is encapsulated in the lines "One should hide the fact that catastrophic / handicaps are hell; one tends to hear, / publicly from those who bear it / like a Roman."
• The poem suggests that the pressure to maintain dignity and stoicism only adds to the suffering of those with disabilities.

Loss, Pain, and Helplessness

• The poem also delves into the theme of loss, both physical and emotional, as the speaker mourns not only his mother's death but also the life she lost when she went blind.
• The speaker reflects on his helplessness in the face of his mother's suffering, as seen in his inability to provide comfort when she confides her suicidal thoughts:

"If I gave up hope of a cure, I'd bump / myself off."

• This theme is further emphasized by the imagery of the mother's declining health and vision, symbolized by the "long, slow slide" into blindness, representing the gradual loss of her independence and joy.
• The final lines of the poem, "it was up to us to believe / she was watching, somewhere, in the end," suggest a tentative hope that there might be some form of consolation or peace after death, though this hope is tinged with uncertainty.

Line by Line Analysis

Lines 1-6

My mother could not bear being blind,

to be honest. One shouldn't say it.

One should hide the fact that catastrophic

handicaps are hell; one tends to hear,

publicly from those who bear it

like a Roman, or somehow find joy

"My mother could not bear being blind, to be honest. One shouldn't say it."

• The poem opens with a blunt admission, immediately challenging the expectation that people with disabilities should endure their suffering without complaint.
• The phrase "to be honest" suggests that this is a truth often left unspoken, setting the tone for a poem that confronts difficult realities.

"One should hide the fact that catastrophic / handicaps are hell; one tends to hear, / publicly from those who bear it / like a Roman, or somehow find joy."

• The speaker critiques societal expectations that people with disabilities should either bear their suffering with stoic dignity or find some positive aspect in their struggle.
• The reference to bearing it "like a Roman" alludes to the stoic philosophy of enduring hardship without complaint, which the speaker's mother is unable to do, highlighting the gap between public expectation and private reality.

Lines 7-11

She turned to me, once,

in a Paris restaurant, still not finding

the food on the plate with her fork,

or not so that it stayed on (try it

in a pitch-black room)

"She turned to me, once, in a Paris restaurant, still not finding the food on the plate with her fork,"

• The specific memory of a Paris restaurant illustrates the everyday struggles the mother faces due to her blindness, even in a setting where one might expect enjoyment.
• The difficulty of finding food on her plate symbolizes the broader challenges of living with blindness, making her struggle tangible for the reader.

"or not so that it stayed on (try it in a pitch-black room)"

• The parenthetical aside invites the reader to empathize with the mother's experience by imagining themselves in her situation.
• This line emphasizes the frustration and difficulty of performing simple tasks without sight, drawing the reader into the mother's world.

Lines 11-16

and whispered,

"It's living hell, to be honest Adam.

If I gave up hope of a cure, I'd bump

myself off." I don't recall what I replied,

but it must have been the usual sop,

inadequate: the locked-in son.

"and whispered, 'It's living hell, to be honest Adam. If I gave up hope of a cure, I'd bump myself off.' "

• The mother's whispered confession reveals the depth of her despair, contrasting with the public stoicism she is expected to maintain.
• The casual, almost humorous tone of "bump myself off" underscores the dark reality of her suffering and her struggle to cope with it.

"I don't recall what I replied, but it must have been the usual sop, inadequate: the locked-in son."

• The speaker's inability to remember his response highlights his sense of helplessness and inadequacy in the face of his mother's pain.
• The metaphor "locked-in son" suggests his emotional paralysis, unable to truly connect with or comfort his mother, reflecting the isolation that both mother and son feel.

Lines 17-22

She kept her dignity, though, even when

bumping into walls like a dodgem; her sense

of direction did not improve, when cast

inward. "No built-in compass," as my father

joked. Instead, she pretended to

ignore the void, or laughed it off.

"She kept her dignity, though, even when bumping into walls like a dodgem; her sense of direction did not improve, when cast inward."

• Despite the humiliating and disorienting aspects of her blindness, the mother maintains her dignity, though the comparison to a "dodgem" (bumper car) adds a layer of dark humour.
• The phrase "cast inward" suggests that her blindness forces her to retreat into herself, further isolating her from the world around her.

" 'No built-in compass,' as my father joked. Instead, she pretended to ignore the void, or laughed it off."

• The father's joke about the lack of a "built-in compass" lightens the mood but also underscores the harsh reality of her situation.
• The mother's strategy of pretending or laughing off her blindness reflects the societal expectation to downplay her suffering, even as she privately struggles.

Lines 23-28

Or saw things she couldn't see

and smiled, as when the kids would offer

the latest drawing, or show her their new toy

– so we'd forget, at times, that the long,

slow slide had finished in a vision

as blank as stone.

• The mother's pretence of seeing and enjoying her grandchildren's drawings reflects her desire to maintain a sense of normalcy and connection with her family.
• The phrase "long, slow slide" evokes the gradual deterioration of her vision, culminating in total blindness, described metaphorically as a vision "as blank as stone," suggesting the finality and coldness of her condition.

Lines 28-33

For instance, she'd continued

to drive the old Lanchester

long after it was safe

down the Berkshire lanes. She'd visit exhibitions,

admire films, sink into television

while looking the wrong way.

"For instance, she'd continued to drive the old Lanchester long after it was safe down the Berkshire lanes."

• The mother's continued driving, despite her impaired vision, reflects both her denial of the extent of her blindness and her determination to retain independence.
• The reference to "Berkshire lanes" roots the poem in a specific, familiar setting, contrasting the safety of home with the danger posed by her failing sight.

"She'd visit exhibitions, admire films, sink into television while looking the wrong way."

• The mother's participation in visual activities, despite her blindness, highlights her refusal to let go of her previous way of life.
• The irony of her "looking the wrong way" underscores the disconnect between her actions and reality, emphasizing the tragic consequences of her denial.

Lines 34-41

Her last week alive (a fortnight back)

was golden weather, of course,

the autumn trees around the hospital

ablaze with colour, the ground royal

with leaf-fall. I told her this, forgetting,

as she sat too weak to move, staring

at nothing. "Oh yes, I know," she said,

"it's lovely out there."

"Her last week alive (a fortnight back) was golden weather, of course, the autumn trees around the hospital ablaze with colour, the ground royal with leaf-fall."

• The vivid autumnal imagery contrasts the beauty of the outside world with the mother's internal world of darkness, highlighting the tragedy of her blindness.
• The phrase "golden weather" and the description of the trees "ablaze with colour" emphasize the richness of the life she can no longer fully experience.

"I told her this, forgetting, as she sat too weak to move, staring at nothing. 'Oh yes, I know,' she said, 'it's lovely out there.' "

• The speaker's comment about the beautiful weather, and his mother's polite response, underscores the painful disconnect between their experiences.
• The mother's response, "it's lovely out there," is filled with irony and pathos, as she pretends to share in the beauty she can no longer see, revealing her continued desire to protect her family from her pain.

Lines 41-45

Dying has made her

no more sightless, but now she can't

pretend. Her eyelids were closed

in the coffin; it was up to us to believe

she was watching, somewhere, in the end.

• The final lines of the poem reflect the ultimate irony: in death, the mother is no more blind than she was in life, but she can no longer pretend otherwise.
• The speaker's use of "it was up to us to believe" suggests a fragile hope that his mother might be restored to sight in the afterlife, offering a small comfort in the face of her suffering and death.
• The closing lines also bring the poem full circle, echoing the earlier themes of stoicism and the societal expectations placed on those who suffer, but ending with a tentative belief in a better place beyond this life.